Find your tribe, love them hard

The idea of soul mates seems to come up quite frequently in my life whether it’s quotes about it on social media or Chris and I are talking about it. In today’s culture, it’s this strange idea that you are made for only person in the universe and you better get looking.

Neither of us seem to buy into the “one perfect person” ideology, but we, or at least I, can’t nail down a definition. I was thinking about the connections I’ve made with people, and I can’t seem to get on board with the fact that your soul mate has to be a romantic love or the person you marry or spend your life with, if marriage isn’t your thing.

I’ve been lucky enough to cultivate the most beautiful friendships with some of the most incredible people over the years (Amy, Emma, Eden, I’m lookin’ at you.) These girls have seen me through everything, and I feel so connected to them it’s sometimes hard to comprehend. Their pain is my pain. Their joy is my joy. Their tears are my tears. As different as we all are, and even though we are all in different parts of the world doing different things sometimes I forget where I end and they begin. They all understand different parts of me. They bring out the best, worst, but definitely the realest, rawest, most honest parts of me.

I couldn’t imagine life with out any of these three women in my life, and to be honest, I don’t think I’d survive it. In many ways, I consider them my soul mates just as much as I consider Chris my soul mate. If all four of them were in a burning building, I wouldn’t be able to choose who to save. I’d grab a bag of marshmallows, and we’d make s’mores as we all went down together.

find your tribe, love them hard
So much love.

There are different types of love. Anyone who I’ve considered a close friend can tell you that when I love, I love hard. Almost too hard. I’m fiercely loyal, almost to a fault. It’s certainly burned me a few times, and I’ve lost many a friendship I didn’t want to see go, but it’s also led to my having these wonderful people in my life. I don’t see much of a point in doing something if you aren’t willing to put your whole heart into it and risk being hurt.

They, Christopher included, are my soul mates. My soul sisters. The love of my life. My life has been tumultuous and busy and inconsistent the past few months, but I’ve always been able to count on them.

They’ve been the people who stood by as I took a sledgehammer to my life.

The people who let me do my thing, but weren’t afraid to call me on it when I took it too far.

The people who still loved me and helped me put the pieces back together when I did dumb things anyways.

The people who never, ever judged me.

The people who stayed up with me night after night to rehash the same shit over and over again.

The people who know when I need margaritas or a walk in the woods, and are always ready with either.

The people who take care of me when I’m sick or broken.

The people who drunk cry in the bathroom with me.

The people who let me smother them with love and affection, even if sometimes they’d rather I didn’t.

They are the people who know all the weird, random thoughts inside of my head and love me anyways.

The people I’ve chosen to be my family, no matter what blood or biology says about it.

They are the people that I know if they died, a piece of me would go with them.

We haven’t had perfect relationships. There are parts of all four of these relationships that I’d like to brush under the rug. I’ve been hurt deeply, but it’s only shown me the importance of forgiveness and the capacity of love in my heart. Loving someone deeply means also giving them the power to hurt you deeply. You trust they won’t, but we are all human and we all make mistakes. I’ve learned that short of intentionally hurting Sophie, there’s nothing these four could do to make me love them any less. You guys are stuck with me, even hen I’m an ocean away.

I’m lucky to have such incredible friendships in my life, but now I live on a different continent where making friends is hard. To say I miss them terribly would be an understatement. I’ve had these girls in my life for so long I forgot how to make friends. I stopped trying because I didn’t have to, but now I do have to, and I swear I feel like I’m online dating sometimes. How do adults make friends? It’s not as easy as it sounds. The need for human connection runs deep, but I’ve forgotten how to initiate such connections.

I had to remind myself that making new connections doesn’t mean getting rid of the old ones or that the old are less important. Not everyone has to be everything. (That seems to be a theme lately…) No matter what, they’ll always be there. I don’t think I know the right words to express how much they mean to me.

For that, I am extremely grateful.



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